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From the Publisher:
Still fretting over those worthless dot-com
investments? Wishing you had gone to medical school? Maybe you should have
trained harder for that race, or traveled more when you had the chance.
While most self-help authors encourage readers to banish the wistful chatter
of our minds, eminent psychology researcher Dr. Neal Roese has discovered
that certain kinds of "if only" thinking are actually essential to our
psychological immune system.
Delivering a reassuring, groundbreaking message,
If Only describes two types of "counterfactuals," as these thoughts are
known in psychology, and both "if only" thoughts can lead to a better
understanding of yourself. One variety allows us to improve performance and
learn from experience by comparing what we actually did to what might have
been better. A second kind asks how things could have been worse, which
makes you feel a whole lot better. Dr. Roese also reveals Americans' top
regrets and shows you how to avoid them. And he shows how our brains erase
regrets of actions (stuff you did that didn't work out) but let regrets of
inaction linger. So his advice? Just do it.
With clear lessons for better living and intriguing
examples from pop culture, If Only demonstrates how to turn regret
into opportunity and hindsight into happiness-a process that is key to
mental health. Just as Martin Seligman's classic Learned Optimism
awakened us to the power of explanatory style, If Only illuminates an
intriguing new window to the mind.
Praise for If Only:
“Our pasts are full of regrets about what might have
been and dreams about what could have been. In his entertaining and
informative book, Neal Roese helps us to understand how and why we shape and
attempt to alter the past. One thing is for sure: I have no regrets about
reading If Only.”
--Daniel L. Schacter, William R. Kenan, Jr., Professor and Chair of
Psychology, Harvard University, and author of The Seven Sins of Memory
“If only more scientists could write this well! For
more than a decade, Neal Roese has been the leader in the scientific study
of counterfactual thought, and in this wise, delightful book he demonstrates
just how profoundly our mental lives are influenced by all those roads not
taken. Solid insight and elegant prose make If Only a rare treat.”
--Daniel Gilbert, Professor of Psychology, Harvard University
From Publishers Weekly:
Who hasn't dwelled at some point on what they could
have done differently? Such regrets can be demoralizing, but Roese suggests
that we engage in this kind of counterfactual thinking all the time, and
that it can be not only good for us but an essential component of how we
act. Negative emotions like regret keep us from repeating mistakes and
motivate us to improve. Roese, a psychologist at the University of Illinois,
has plenty of studies at hand, but the most convincing passages are those
that personalize the issues, like a look at the difference between silver
medalists frustrated by their near-miss and bronze medalists who are happy
to have a prize at all. Roese also takes examples from pop culture,
including Marlon Brando's character in On the Waterfront, to show how we
constantly imagine different lives for ourselves—and the author even shares
his own career experiences to explain how regret can be harnessed to make
positive decisions. In the long run, he advises, the old saw is true—you'll
regret what you didn't do more than what you did, so don't be afraid to take
chances. Recommended actions, such as bouncing back from adversity and
maintaining perspective, are fairly commonsensical, but Roese's amiably
chatty spin should make light bulbs click over quite a few readers' heads.
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